


A Father’s Heart

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Star Wars Rewrites Backstory — Ben’s childhood [6]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Baby Ben Solo, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Canon Rewrite, Father-Son Relationship, Fatherhood, Fluff and Angst, Good Parent Han Solo, Jedi Ben Solo, Movie: Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Other, POV Ben Solo, POV Han Solo, Parent Han Solo, Pre-Canon, Young Ben Solo, not necessarily book compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 16:06:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14023812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: The evolution of Han and Ben’s relationship.





	A Father’s Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: This is dedicated to the woman who said that false compassion ruined Star Wars. (No idea what version of ROTJ she watched, but whatever) I might as well write something with Han and Ben then.

_Childhood:_

From an early age, Ben Solo can’t help but see his father like a god. 

Everything about him is cool. The sound of his voice, smooth and confident in his way, and his sort of corner smile. His father isn’t afraid of anything, Ben thinks, and he admires that. He wishes he were the same way. The voice in his mind says that one day he won’t be, but even that seems like a long while away. 

_Age fifteen:_

The Falcon touching down in the hangar is always cause for excitement. Ben’s at the age where most wouldn’t be able to stand their parents, but he still adores his father a great deal. The fact that his father’s still checking in on him means that Ben isn’t completely garbage on the wayside. He’s not worthless. Even when the little voice in his mind says that he’s good as useless to his family, the little visits let Ben know it’s not the case. 

Ben doesn’t walk; he practically runs to the hangar, and Han Solo disembarks. He’s handsome, striking and grand, the sort of guy who takes in life with a cocky smirk. Ben wishes he could be like him, honestly. Though even the taking-in-life-with-a-smirk thing melts away a little as he takes in Ben and his smile broadens, practically radiant as he ruffles Ben’s hair. 

“Hey, kiddo,” Han says, and it’s almost like all the promises in the galaxy are in that smile. “How are you doing?”

Ben catches him up on various happenings in the Enclave. His training. Funny things that happened. His frustration with some things. (He doesn’t admit that he’s frustrated with his family, because he almost doesn’t want to admit it to himself) And his father listens, because that’s what his father does. 

Even examining the inside of the Falcon, Ben swears that it’s changed since he last stepped foot inside it. It’s shrunk, for one thing. Or maybe he’s gotten taller. Things seem less grand when you get older, but Ben still loves the ship others call garbage. His father catches him up on things, before playing sabaac with him. 

His father’s the more experienced sabaac player, so he wins. Ben says, “Are you sure you don’t have the Force, Dad?”

His father laughs, but it’s affectionate. “Kiddo, I’d make a very bad Jedi. Trust me on this.”

Ben, somehow, can’t picture it. 

 

_Age eighteen:_

When Ben gets together with Poe, he tells his father. He expects his father to react like his mother and his uncle, but instead his father says, “Congratulations, kiddo.” Then, “Y’know, I figured something was up, the way you talked about him.”

Ben laughs. “I’m that obvious?”

”Pretty obvious,” Han says. “I mean, I got the impression there was something going on.”

”So, you don’t think there’s something — ’’

”Wrong? Stars, no. I mean, first off, between you and me, nothing about the Code makes any sense.”

”Well, it’s the — ’’

”Well, the galaxy’s not split into Light Side and Dark Side. And, aw stars, kiddo, I’d probably be on the Dark Side a million times over by their logic. But here I am.” Han shrugs. “I’m not Dark Side. And you’re not Dark Side.”

”You sure?” Ben says, only half-joking. 

Han laughs. “If having a relationship with someone who honest to stars loves you leads to the Dark Side, then a lot of people would be running around with red lightsabers right now.”

Ben smirks. “You’d make a terrible Sith, Dad.” Of course, if Uncle Luke caught them joking about that, he’d say that’s not funny, but he feels better now.

”True. Though, mind tricks can come in handy...”

” _Dad._ ”

”Kidding.”

Ben’s laughing despite himself. “So me and Poe...”

”Yeah. You two are good with me.”

 

_Downfall:_

When Han hears about his son’s fall, who exactly did it, his first instinct is to punch Luke in the face. Even as Luke stumbles back, he stares at Han, wiping his now bloody nose. “Han — ’’

“You bastard. You utter bastard. How can you say that about my own _son_? He’d never...he’d never...”

”I was there. He confessed.”

And Han already feels like he’s been hit by a runaway speeder. How did this happen? What exactly happened? He can remember Ben, sweet, good-natured Ben, and his jokes, and it’s all but inconceivable that this young man would do something so horrible, so unthinkable...

”Ben would never. He just wouldn’t.” And Han knows that it’s that last scrap of denial to keep himself from embracing the horrible truth. 

 

_The bridge:_

He doesn’t think he’s going to make it. And it’s all right if he doesn’t make it. After all, he’s lived a good life, overall. And he’s come close to dying before. The carbonite can attest to that. What really matters is saving Ben. He remembers hearing about Snoke and what he did to Ben and feeling a sort of white hot rage overwhelm him when he was alone, recording his message to Snoke. 

He’s close to tears. He’s been in bad situations, but he’s never really cried. Life on the streets crushes the tears right out of you. And yet here, he’s close to crying. If he broke down in front of his own son right now, he supposes he wouldn’t be surprised in the least. 

He’s close to tears the whole confrontation with his son. Seeing his son’s unmasked face for the first time in six years. Seeing his son cry — and when he says “Anything” he means anything, because Ben is his son, and Han loves him. 

Even after Ben stabs him, Han can’t bring himself to hate him. He reaches up to touch his son’s face, because he wants Ben to remember that no matter what happens, what Ben does, a father doesn’t just stop loving his son. 

He doesn’t know what’s going to happen next. Maybe in the afterlife, if there is one, they’ll be together. They’ll be whole again. Han can hope for that much, at least, even as he falls off the bridge. 

 


End file.
